Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
