she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
