I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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