I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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