Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
