i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
