I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
