what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
