their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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