I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
