Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
