your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
