It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
