there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize