Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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