speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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