last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
