i think my tv is drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
