my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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