Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
