my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
