Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
