I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
