How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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