On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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