covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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