I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
