From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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