the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is my gift to your gina
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
