Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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