hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
