You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he fucked my hip out of place.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
