my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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