he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
