At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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