I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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