she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
