put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
