hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize