I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
