Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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