Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
