accomplished twins. life is a go
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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