Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
