so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize