Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
