i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
