You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
