ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What drink are we having for lunch?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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