is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
