I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
