Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
