OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
