It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
