there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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