Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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