who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
