apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
