Screwed.edu
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
