Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
