It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
