If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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