Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
