So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
