My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
