drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize