took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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