He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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