so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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